Walking, walking, walking. :)

This blog is a faith step into something new and different. Over the last few months my life has been changing and God has been shifting me and my mindset. This week I started reading “In His Steps”, and it has been an amazing few days of challenging my view on life and walking in Jesus’ steps, as a disciple. I hope you read it - but for those who won’t, it starts with a minister/preacher and his stuffy little congregation. Within the first chapter a homeless man comes in and speaks at the end of the sermon, much to everyone’s surprise, and then falls flat on his face before dying within the next couple days. This is at a time with the minister is thinking on what it means to be a disciple of Christ, and he begins to wonder ‘What would Jesus do?” in every situation. The following week he asks the congregation whether anyone else would like to join him in this endeavour. A few stay behind - and soon their lives unfold as the pages turn. You can imagine the changes in the newspaper as the editor questions ‘what to print’, and others have their decisions to make in their own lives.

Try it some time - I wanted to make the decision to do it, and God said “are you sure?” and so I tried, but I’m not good enough. My heart isn’t clean enough or soft enough, and it’s especially hard when people aren’t ‘nice’. But, I’m not good enough.

I’m not. and it’s really been hitting me. But then, nobody matches up anywhere near Christ,  do they. I’ve just been noticing how far from the mark I am, and even my secular friends are challenging me with the things they’re doing - working with NGO’s and street kids and everything. I really want to get off my butt and do something, for once. Argh. and it’s eating me from the inside out, slowly. aArgh.yes that’s a word. :)

I want to do something with my life, and right now, being in Zimbabwe is making me feel very stagnant - something I never thought I’d say. Today we have a funeral/Celebration as we call it :) of Gugu - a young lady I knew from Champions 4 Life (organization for young people affected by HIV/AIDS). I hope to be there to play in the band. I remember sitting on the bus chatting of our lives, on our way back from Bulawayo Camp, last year - an amazing experience. I can’t believe she’s gone. I know she’s in a better place, but it hurts to see her face in my mind’s eye. oh I miss her. always so cheery and life-filled. always chatting with somebody. :) Miss you, Gugu.

I’m reading all these stories in “In His Steps” wondering how I’m going to make my difference in this world. One woman has the most beautiful voice, and is sought after by the National Opera House, but she turns it down, because she doesn’t think it’s what Jesus would do, in her own opinion. (not sure that I agree). But she decides to create a music school in the slums of the city of Raymond - giving lessons to the less fortunate. Me? I can see myself doing that - but at the same time, my heart isn’t in teaching. Doesn’t anyone get that? I do. I don’t want to teach - I’m just doing it for everybody who wants to learn music, because I have those skills - but there’s so much more to me, and  I don’t really feel as if it’s actually drawing from anything deep in me - I feel like ‘anybody’ can do what I’m doing - and I want to do MORE.

Haha... reminded of a book (“Holy Discontent”) I gave a good friend, when I left Westmont - about frustration .. .and how anger and frustration, can be turned into passionate energy, and used well, when directed in the right direction. The author - Bill Hybels - actually talks about putting yourself into those situations that frustrate you - maybe it’s about being around homeless people, or abused children, or injured animals - whatever it is that makes you discontent. It’s a good book, too :).

Well, that’s just the tip of the iceberg of some of the thoughts I’m working through in my life - I don’t think I have many relationships right now where we talk about these kind of topics, but I know you few would enjoy this. :) bless u all. my dear friends :).